How not to be boring?!

Jumat, April 05, 2019

Develop The Habit of Visualizing 

1) Before going to a social event develop the habit of visualizing the entire social event/ meeting/ date in your head going well. Run a small movie about the event in your head, see yourself laughing, others laughing, hear what you hear, and notice how you feel. Imagine everything going extremely well and that people around you are having fun and taking a special interest in you and in what you're saying.

Be A Good Listener 

2) Be a good listener. If you mastered this one skill people will see you as a very interesting person and someone fun to be with. All you need to do is pay attention to what people are saying and stop thinking about how you are being perceived. By making the story in your head about them, not you, you are going to notice how your level of anxiety has dropped down greatly or even disappeared. This is simple, you are no longer trying to impress them with stories about yourself or your personal interests. You are simply letting them tell you what's interesting for them and as long as people are talking about themselves they'll never get bored. 

Believing dan Trusting 

3) If you find it difficult to show genuine interest in other people's stories or personal interests you don't share with them then there's a tiny yet effective trick to use here which would shift your thinking about people's stories. BELIEVE that in every story you hear there is an important lesson to help you with your life or information about the other person's inner world. This will help you take special interests in other people's stories because there now something in it for you. I am not talking about faking it. Trust me, when you change your mindset you'll discover how every story has valuable lessons for you to learn no matter how seemingly boring it sounded. Also, every story gives you a peek into someone else's inner world. Things they probably won't say directly to you or they yet haven't learned about themselves. 

Wait for The Question

4) Since you've given others the opportunity to talk about themselves and you were actively listening to them they now LIKE you. Without them telling you this but everyone loves a good listener. Now they'll start asking you questions about yourself. This is one of the signs you suddenly became an interesting person to them and so they wanna learn more about you. Use the questions they asked as a chance to present yourself to them in a way that's interesting to them. How? Do not just keep talking nonstop until their interest in your drops. In the beginning, give simple answers and wait for the next question. If they are still asking you about the same subject then chances are they wanna learn more because they find it interesting. If they asked you a different question then again answer moderately. Give information but do not bombard them with it. They stayed on topic and kept digging deeper? Good, keep that subject and give more information now that you know they are interested. 

Pay Attention to Their Words

5) Memorize some of the words they used in their stories and self-expression and occasionally repeat those words to them while commenting on their stories, sharing your own stories, or while asking them questions. For example, Ella said: "My last trip to Africa was so much fun, we actually had a blast. The number of activities one can do there is insane. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life." For example, You go: "Wow that does sound INSANE, I didn't know a trip to Africa could be so REWARDING and fun." Trust me, Ella will think you are one of the most interesting people she has ever met. Just don't make it sound like you are doing it on purpose or with each sentence she makes because she might think you are just mocking her or lack individuality and creativity. You can also do it while sharing stuff about yourself later on after the conversation had drifted into another direction. Example: "Right after my daily workout I feel so REWARDED. It's INSANE how simple adjustments can influence our moods" 

Learn the Art of Questioning 

6) The art of questioning: This is a general note and a very useful skill to be applied at any point whether in your social life, with your partner, with your customers/clients at work, or even with your kids. Always avoid asking close-ended questions such as 'Did you enjoy your trip?' 'Do you like your job?' 'Since you told me you are studying psychology. Do you like it so far?' 'Do you believe in love?' 'Is this game addictive to you?' Close-ended questions are those that usually can be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' or any variation of that to confirm or negate something (I am, very much, pretty sure, I don't think so, not sure, probably, I would say so,.... and so on) It is understandable that close-ended questions are needed and important but not when you want to get people to talk. Those of you who work in sales, business development, or marketing know exactly what I'm talking about. You don't want your customers to give you a yes or no answers but rather you want valuable information, opinions, suggestions, feedback,... you want to learn more about their needs, expectations, and challenges. 

This is where open-ended questions come into play. Here are the same questions I posted above only asked differently this time: Trip: 'Tell me about your last trip to the Middle East, I'm interested to hear your stories' Job: 'How does a typical day at work look like for you?' Study: 'What made you choose psychology?' Love: 'How can you tell when you or someone else is in love?' OR 'If love had a recipe what do you think the main ingredients would be and why?' Game: 'What would you change about this game or features you add to make it addictive?' 

These are just examples but you can clearly see how one is compelled to talk when asked open-ended questions. If you are a parent, always ask your kids this type of questions. It will intrigue their thinking and help them become better communicators and ultimately affect their social life. 'Tell me about your day at school,' 'What do you like the most about your friend Eric?' 'Teach me something new you have learned today,' 'How did that make you feel?' Such questions will improve your child's social intelligence and their ability to form healthy relationships.

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