-Dear Haekal-

Rabu, Desember 25, 2019

Dear Haekal...

Dear Haekal...

I cannot believe another month has passed. It feels like we just met yesterday in Jogja. I still remember those moments flaps on my head, but at the same time, it feels like I have known you all my life eaa… 

I am so thankful I met you and I am thankful to your parents for creating such an intelligent, respectful, compassionate man. 

I know that sounds braggy (or whatever, this just passed on my mind now haha), but I mean it when I say that I think we make the perfect couple. We understand each other. We listen to each other. We inspire each other to become stronger with each passing day. 

I don’t want to wait until your birthday or our anniversary to remind you how much you mean to me. Hint: You mean everything. I know I don’t always say how I’m feeling because I have a nasty habit of keeping my heart guarded, but I hope you realize how much I care about you. 

I never thought it was possible to have this much love for someone (I have closed the other possibilities and focusing on another thing on my life now on), I never thought my heart could handle it. I know there are days when we argue and don’t see eye-to-eye, but you are the only person I would want to have those arguments with. Because I know and trust you that how we value each other, hope our bonding will last forever and always! 

Dear Haekal...

I don't know how to write this in such a way but, thank you ...

For your love & dedication - I still remember the nail clipper incident which until now made me laughing so hard. Thank you for loving me so much by keeping the nail clippers and finding my red lipstick. I am very impressed with your love that is so real. Trying to pay attention to all the details about me even though I always feel lacking. But I know you did your best. Seskoal moments will always light up in my heart clearly. 

For opening up to me - It's great to know that you're willing to discuss your life and some of your deepest secrets with me. I'll always do my best to listen, help, and talk you through whatever it is you're thinking about, and I know that you would do the same in return. You have allowed me into your heart and mind, which is a wonderful privilege. 

For being my best one - because sometimes I actually might be acting a little too perfectionist for you in many ways, even if I'll never admit it (sorry, not sorry.) I always appreciate your honesty, even when it's something that's hard to hear, you are braver enough to criticizing me in your way to make me realize that I still have a lot to learn. Of course, this means a lot to me. 

For knowing how to handle me & care of me- or at least for pretending like you know how to, and doing an excellent job of it. I know I'm not always the easiest person to deal with, but you settle me down and make me smile in a way that no one else can. You know that I love your awkward smile when we making jokes about each other silliness. I still remember the moment when I fell sick on board, your sincerity in caring for me with that patient was incredible. Bringing food, feeding me well, and your full attention was touching deeply into my heart. At that time, I felt that you are the person. Declared that you have succeeded in convincing me. That is why, it hurts so much when you are sick. Please take care of yourself, more 

For always holding my hand (even I react that I don’t want) - Not only do you keep my fingers warm now that it's cold out (thank God) but you're also when I am not stable emotionally and needed to be controlled, not afraid to show me off to friends, family, and even strangers. As well as being your arm candy is an awesome feeling. 

For always supporting me - You're the best cheerleader/number one fan that I could ever ask for, and nothing is more reassuring than knowing that you're right there to root for me in everything that I do. You always believe in me that I can do whatever I want to. Let me do so... 

For not arguing (too much) when I want to (sometimes)- because sometimes I just want to assert that I'm a ~strong independent woman~ and you totally understand that, even if you don't always like it. I still remembered when I tested your trusty with the secret angel who luckily was my cabin-mate (Chaw-MyPY), this was a thrilling yet exciting moment at the same time. I enjoyed it, it's fun isn't it haha Thanks for always choose me instead LOL 

For not complaining when we have to take a million pictures - This applies to every single event ever during the program, or in the last Port-of-Call brought you out to explore the ship when I exactly know how tired that day was. You still looked “fine and enjoyable”. You respectfully accept that my hair was "out of place" or that my arm "looked awkward," and that we obviously need to try again many times for the perfect shot. 

For letting me cuddle you endlessly - Sometimes with an unstable emotional state, I need to calm my self down by suddenly hugging you and with open arms, you always accept my vulnerabilities when none knows. Highly appreciate it. 

For all of the compliments- I know how people out there see me as someone who might be different from them (please don’t be insecure with me, I am tired hearing those things). I am still an ordinary woman who also feels insecure in some ways (same as you). Because some days, I feel like a fried with my oily skin, breakout during the program because of the stressfulness as well as putting makeup every day, but you always reassure me that I'm beautiful just the way I am (although you may be lying sometimes ahh). Boosting my confidence as always is one part that I value the most from you. 

For letting me cry- and then for reassuring me that my life is actually, in fact, not falling apart. Even if it's over something small, you're always there to help pick up the pieces. Asking me which part you can take it over, even though in fact I still think that I can make it all by myself. But I promise myself that I will let you in. To give me a hand... 

For spending the rest of my meal - This is the part I like the most from you, I'm very grateful when I often can't finish my food, you always take part to spend it. You know this is the most romantic thing you do for me. Our relationship has pretty much been founded on food and I have zero complaints. 

For playing with my hair - trust me every girl loves it very much. Feels like guguk (little dog) but feels very comfortable indeed. Plus for not complaining when it suffocates you (sorry, I did it). I can reassure you that it feels like heaven and will put me to sleep within a matter of seconds. 

For letting me have the last bite of everything - It shows how selfless you truly are, and that's an admirable (and adorable) quality. I try to protest, but secretly I love it, and it's the sweetest thing in the world. I will always remember how much you care for me, take sausages at the dining hall and give me the last bite with a smile. 

For being silly - Some of my fondest memories with you involve weird faces, strange conversations, and pure craziness. We've even developed our own language of phrases and strange names like emha & dian OMG creepy isn’t it. But yeah don’t mind sometimes we need to do this kind of thing in our life to make it fun. Yes, we may be weirdos, but I love that you never take things too seriously and you always know how to make me laugh. 

For being serious - Despite our silliness, you know exactly when to put on the serious, caring, boyfriend pants and you have impeccable timing. You've been right by my side through some of the toughest experiences of my life, and you've never once faltered. I am incredibly grateful for your unconditional support and love, even in the face of difficulty. 

For making me feel so happy and humbled - There are days that I just sit and look at you and wonder how I got so lucky. Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve someone as wonderful as you, handsome, pure, a learner, but you always reassure me that you're the "reacher" in our relationship, even though I'll never agree. I prefer to think that we deserve each other pretty equally. 

For all of the adventures - it is not only adventures within yourself but also at this point, we have made more incredible memories than I can even count. You never fail to be spontaneous, show up earlier to saw that sunrise on board and go to a sports desk with a cup of noodles to see the sunset and tag along for all of my ideas as well. Nothing feels better than exploring the world with you by my side. I hate being apart from you, but our long-distance love gives me something to look forward to each and every day to explore and grow up in our own ways. 

For being exactly who you are - Your passion for helping others, being kind, and making everyone around you smile is something that I will always be amazed by. You are more organized than me without even you have realized, dear! You inspire me every single day, and I feel absolutely blessed to be a part of your life. You make me want to be a better version of myself, and you always encourage me to strive for the best. I know you want to be better to match me well, right? Don’t need to be rushed, you are on your way there. I am here to support you, forever and always, I do. 

For letting me be me - We have been through so much together. You have seen me with mascara running across my face. You have seen me with snot running from my nose. You have seen me screaming out my lungs and laughing until my stomach hurts. I have never been this vulnerable to anyone else. I have never allowed my true self to be seen by any other eyes.

At the end of the day, doing life with someone that you love and trust is a wonderful feeling, and I know that through thick and thin, I can count on you. I can truly say that before anything else, you are my best friend, and I think that our strong foundation is what I cherish the most. 

But, above all, I think you're much more than that. You're my partner in crime, my breakfast-lunch-dinner date, my pillow, my cheerleader, my confidant, and most importantly, my upcoming partner for the rest of mylife. Although I couldn't see you coming, I am eternally grateful that you're in my life today. Wherever the road takes us, I'm glad that I got to walk down that road with you, creating so many beautiful memories along the way. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. 

Having such immense support for one another is so important in any relationship, and I'm so lucky to have that kind of love and attention coming from you every day. 

Dear Haekal... 

I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you more than words can write. 

I can't wait to see where life's adventures take us next. We are still very young, there is plenty of time and life adventure waiting to be explored. The only thing I know is that I definitely want to enjoy those adventures with you. I promise to keep enjoying all of the little things that make every day with you so amazing. 

And if I don't say it enough....
always know I love you and everything that you do. 

Most of all, I want to thank you for EXISTING!
Thank you for being my partner. I am counting up, how about you? (need to re-read this couple times when we are arguing until that day coming haha ups kidding) 

I will also look at your 1-minute short video anw haha ups.... :D


26 December 2019; 03:45 AM. 

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